I always remind myself, everything that I have now is not mine. All of them belong to Allah. The family, the friends, the money, myself, even the knowledge that I own, not exactly mine. They are all belong to our one and only one Allah. And for that I always remember, do not be proud of anything I have, they are only owed by Allah, because Allah knows we need them, and without them our lives will be worse.
When it comes to thinking about death, what always comes to our minds is, what will happen to everyone around us when we leave them. I did that before (thinking about what would happen to my loved ones after I die), until last week, I realized that it was not the right thing for me to do. When it comes to thinking about death, thing I should be wondering is, is my 'pahala' enough for me to entitle me to enter Jannah. 'Cukupkah amalan aku buat untuk bertemu dengan Allah.' 'Adakah semua yg Allah bagi di bumi ini kepadaku, ku manfaatkan dengan baik supaya aku tidak malu untuk bertemu dengan Allah.' Repeating these questions in my mind, obviously I am crying all the time with the answers, because until today I feel ashamed to meet Allah, in my current condition. What I have done to 'mengangkat martabat Islam dan mendidik orang lain untuk tidak mempersekutukan Allah di muka bumi ini?' Everything I do until now is still not enough, compared to what Allah gives me till today. If you do your best to everyone around you before you die, obviously you do not have to think about what will happen to them after you have left. Because you know Allah is with them. Do your responsibilities well to everyone around you, and they will be okay even after you go.
The family that Allah gives me now, I am very grateful, for they always be there for me, help me, support me in whatever I do. The money that Allah gives me, not that much like others, but more than enough for me to eat, pay everything I have to, and never not enough. The love from everyone that Allah gives me, I am very thankful, at least I know what real love is, one of Allah's creation. And the knowledge that I have now, alhamdulillah to Allah, with this knowledge I can help, teach others, and I hope Allah will grant more knowledge for me. The health I have now, excellent health, syukran to Allah, nothing can beat having a healthy body. But above all, everything I have is from Allah, at anytime Allah may take any of them from me, and I have to be ready for that. And whatever Allah will give me after this, I will always remember that they are not fully mine. So for now, I have to struggle with everything I have now, make 'pahala' a lot, because only with that, I will live happily ever after. Jannah is absolutely my goal, but only Allah knows am I eligible to go there or not. I am so afraid to go to the Hell, I always pray I will not be there.. It is scary, even imagining about it is scary.
Ya Allah ku tak layak ke syurgaMu, namun tak pula aku sanggup ke nerakaMu.."
'Mari beramal kerana Allah dengan apa yang Allah pinjamkan kepada kita.' InsyaAllah... ♥