Today i am 23 years old. Officially. I do not feel like i am 23 already, i feel i am younger that that numbers, plus i am still childish. At the age of 23, one of my sister got married already, and at the age of 23 also, my mum already had a daughter. But me? Ahaks. I feel i am nothing. My mind is not so mature yet, and i still have problems in doing decision for myself. So obviously, i am not ready for marriage yet as i am still practicing to be a good woman to other people.
As i grow up, i realize and understand more about the world. I know who really love me, and who don't. I was in several relationship before but they didn't work, so they ended up just like that. The guys that were with me before didn't love me at all, or at least they only love me for sometime only. Not all but generally. The last time i broke up, i swore to myself that i don't want to be in love again until i find someone that really loves me with all his heart. I don't know what will happen in the future, but i really hope and everyday i pray that I will find the one that will always be with me and by my side. I pray the best, God knows better than we do, right? =)
I understand much more about friendship and i can differentiate between a best friend and not so best friend. And most important, the difference between a real family and the one who doesn't. The ones that will always be there for me when i need them. The ones that understand my situation and never make me feel more depressed. The ones that know i am sad even though i keep quiet at that time. The ones that know i want something only by the way i look at them, even though i do not tell him/her anything yet. Yes, these types of people are the ones that really care about me, and never let me down. Thanks for my beloved family members and bestfriends for that.
And at this age, i am still hunting for the right job. Being a fresh graduate is not easy. With 3 job offers that i decline to accept, not including the interviews that i refuse to come, i can say that i am quite demanding and choosy fresh graduate. I want to be in my preferred industry, and i do not want to waste my time doing something that i don't like. Plus, for science graduate, it is hard to find a good job if you have only bachelor's degree. Our situation is not same like commerce/engineering/medicine/education students. For us to have a good and stable position in a company, many of us further our study to the advanced degrees. We have to work in research area, and of course to be eligible to do research you have to have at least a Master's degree, or PhD the better for more confidence. That's what i am trying to do, focusing on where i want to study, in the right course, so that my job opportunities will be better. So do not be surprise to see science students try their best to achieve excellent marks, because we have to do that to further our study ASAP or else we have to wait for some time until we meet the requirement to further our study. I really hope that i can further my study ASAP so that i will finish my Master's degree at least before i am 26/27, the age that i am planning to get married (oopss). Hehe.
In whatever i do, i do pray to Allah to help me in everything. Because only Him knows the best for us. Because everything that happen to our life, Allah has the power to rule all of them. I believe that everything in my life happens for reasons, that Allah determines to me, that He wants me to learn something from them. So i just pray that Allah gives me strength and courage to go through everything in my life. I trust Him and i know that He has planned the best not only for me, but also to all of you guys. May Allah bless us always...